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Friday, December 07, 2007

Because taking on the name of Christian
is far greater than any name known to man.
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anyway! uh okay i feel different today, not sure what's gotten into me. i don't know why i get the feeling that i'm like acting despo-ishly. i don't knoww, like with all that's happening and everything, i feel like i'm changing, like i'm not the same person anymore. i really don't know. if i seem weird, i'm sorry. if the way i speak or the thing i do piss you off, i'm sorry, and please tell me so. i want to make use of all of this to grow up. i've been living in my tiny nutshell, pressuming everything is alright for way way too long. within this next month before school starts, i want to basically be a completely new person, no more social insecurity, no more excessive bugging of people, no more horrible msn language, no more unkindness. i can't stand it. because i blame myself for everything, because of the way i've been treating people and even just talking to people. i'm self centred, i jack myself all the time. i try to ask people out without realising that they're getting irritated. i just want to lose myself. i know many people would read this and think of me as a poser, someone who just wants attention. well i know basically everyone would. i don't know why but i can't seem to care because i'm bleeding so dearly on the inside. you have no idea how i feel. and i want to know why i feel this way. i keep reminding myself of the people who love me, but do they really. do they place me at that level inwhich i place them. because i only have that many. and i hope you are reading this, all of you, because i know i will have to appologise for alot of the things to come, and i hope you'll tolerate Nathanael Tan En Ze the moron.

"focus on the Lord, and everything will fall into place",
said someone. i need all the help getting there.

It reunited at 2:21 AM