carpe diem
sieze the day
__________________
because sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand.
i know i'm supposed to stand up as a leader
i want to, believe me.
i wish i could be that pillar of support
that stone block that you can fall back to
the one you can find comfort in all the time
the light when the world seems to turn dark
and when everyone turns on you,
i know i'm supossed to be there
i'm just so sorry
my heart aches everytime i think it out
i'm like the fish underwater, drowning
wake up Nat.
slap yourself a million times if you have to
but you'd better wake up,
stand up,
and get ready for the hell that's awaiting us.
she, they need you so much.
and i need them to much. and yet
i can't help but frown staring at the black empty table
and tear drops flow down
hoping never to hit the table, but they know what awaits them.
i swallow that bit of saliva
and bite down hard.
i scold myself for the millionth time for everything
everything that has happened. and everything that's about to happen
because of me.
i can't chair this class. i can't be part of this council
not if i'm weak like this.
then again i wasn't born to be anything
just an averager following the orders
fighting for my own survival
and yet i care too much to just let go and run
when the storm comes in.
this is probably a bunch of bullshit to most of you
thinking i'm just another ego asshole acting
posing
pouting for the cameras that i imagine are there.
i'm sorry if i seem that way
maybe i am.
maybe i'm just an idiot going round, bugging people
for no real reason, trying to draw attention,
pretending to be all that.
yea maybe i am that.
well if you do please tell me so i can get the hell out of your life
because i'm not ready for this.
i probably never will be
but i pray God gives me strength.
it's the only thing i can hold on to
if you see me scolding myself from this day forth
slap me in the face and tell me to freaking wake up
if you see me bugging you
slap me again and tell me to get lost
if you see me being anything you don't like
slap me in the face and tell me so
because i want to be harsh to myself, in the hope that i may wake up from being a child.