The future of the past

Day Before Tomorrow

2008-08-28T18:35:00.000-07:00

Life has never been the same ever since my group and I have been working so tediously over the past few nights for NJRC. IT IS LIKE THE END OF THE WORLD..Every night sleeping past 1 am so as to get the perfect presentation. Then today even more funny, we making a emo movie for our Video part of NJRC. I just like taking long videos of clock ticking..I think that at least has 20 minutes of a clock ticking. But what can you do, must crap a little to the judges. Anyway, the video is super funny and emo at the same time. But it has totally nothing to do with the theme : Sustainable Development. I wonder what will happen to us..Aiya, just hack care, anyway we have fun and get into finals can already. Last year cannot was damn disappointing but this year i am sure that all the late nights will pay off!! Otherwise i will screw the judge, kk maybe not, or just emo by myself in the lab. Oh and i had suggested that my group come over to my house to ZAM research! we must, We Must, WE MUST GET INTO RESEARCH FINALS AND OWN EVERYONE!! hahahah..kk that is all. damn tired right now. tata

2008-05-13T07:03:00.000-07:00

it's a damn cold night
trying to figure out; inside.
i don't know why, i guess life's like that at times

2008-05-09T23:42:00.000-07:00

it's quiet again.
finally.
i'm here posting, again.
i don't know why, but somehow being at this blogger page again
it's weird.
when i switched to livejournal, i remember being happy
it sounds corny, i know
but posting here again seems like i've been through all this crap
my character's changed so much
and finally i'm back.
it's time to start working on changing myself
and somehow when i post this,
i hope you read it. and yet i hope you don't.
it's just weird.

2008-03-27T05:41:00.002-07:00

please go to
http://reposing_rhythm.livejournal.com

2008-03-26T01:13:00.000-07:00

think 'bout it.

2008-03-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

my love for you is blind.

what's been cracking. um okay. firstly, i would like to make a shout out(or scream out) to 2I to freaking grow up. but if you forget about the childishness, you get a nice loving irresponsible class. wow. like what susan soh said, 16 year olds, 2 14 yearolds, and 4 month olds. amanda, you're such a funnybunny, qwerty. anyway um okay.
acads:
haven been able to mug much(crap)

OM:
okay, people starting to work and feel organised

IVP:
uhhh teocc's pissing everyone off

council:
video to be out soon, filming tomorrow

robotics:
must hurry work on robocup after OM

yup. and hsien i shall pull you out and de-emofy you soon. ummmmmm okayy what else. oh yes i feel super weird today.. yeaa mmm whaaat elseee oh yes i'm panelisting assembly next week, it's going to be quite cool. grawwwwh let this 2/3 weeks past quickly so i can get PD OM and IVP over with. and like, start mugging properly. note to self, your quadratic equations suck, you're tired. your brain juice has been sucked out by aliens, you're an insensitive jerk who can't stop pissing people off with your tactless remarks.

she falls asleep.

2008-03-23T00:42:00.001-07:00

doing soldering by yourself with a noisey fan and a poorly lit room seems anti social and sad somewhat.

i was doing the monotonous soldering of wires to a board with my hands while my mind went on. i started to think about goodfriday, God dying for us sinners again. i started thinking about how unworthy of him we were all. and inevitably my sinful nature popped up. i sat there and thought of all the sins i've been doing, there were too many to count or list. and some were just horrible. i went on to think of myself as a christian, what does it mean. examplery in word and in deed? undying faith? what was it. i realised that i've been giving christians a bad name. cursing swearing being short tempered. my pulse thumped ever harder as i went deeper in thought. i needed more thinking time, more reflection time. the soldering iron went back into the holder and i sat in my emo corner again. i kept thinking about all the things i've been doing and how nonchristians would've viewed them. then i thought about my brothers and sisters in Christ. how much more i have to work to be where they are. i was so pathetic, sitting there thinking through all my bad deeds. i picked myself up and continued soldering. and again, the thoughts of repentance and sinfulness flew back in to mind. it was as if the Holy Spirit was trying to teach me a lesson from what i've been doing. and then i started to cry. and almost every drop landed on the iron. my hand trembled from the crying and i burnt myself. but that didn't matter at all. that sort of ache in my heart was way worst than that. i need to learn, and i need God's help so much. because in this materialistic world, we get caught up in it ever so often, and we start to lose God. we start to lose our moral values. we start to lose our self control. i did at least, and i need to learn not to.

and that was how i spent my night.

2008-03-22T09:20:00.000-07:00

where do you draw the line,
between self centredness and looking after yourself
between being concern and extra
between being loving and being annoying.

this road's going to wind and twist and turn and loop
but we're going to go through it together.

2008-03-21T09:29:00.001-07:00

the thought.
just the thought of it drops my heart like a shell in the water.

2008-03-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

Good Friday,
time to reflect.
2008 years ago Jesus died on the cross for us
for the sins of the world.
the son of God, came down to the Earth to die for us.
sinners.
human to human alone,
what would make 1 worthy of someone dying for them
let alone, God's son.
God died for our sins today.
just remember that.

2008-03-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

tough times tough days tough ways.
hard times hard days even harder ways
sickening people sickening things sickening me

sometimes i wonder if i have the right to rant about how hard my life is. probably not. argh Lord i am ohso weak. i need you more than ever in the next 3 weeks to come because to me at least, it's going to be hell on earth. but i trust Lord, you will guide me through these trials and times of adversity and times of the lack of time itself.

2008-03-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

people fall in love not because they are the same,
but they fill in each other's holes.
because to the world you might be one person,
but to one person, you might be the world.
and above all, to thine own self be true to the world.
it's going to be hard.
i guess that's why i love you, because you fill in my horrible irritating holes
because you happen to be my world.
because only when i'm around you do i feel complete.
and i know i shouldn't be such a weakling because no man's an island by themself, they're all connected under water. i need to be able to stand up on my own and tell people that i'm me, accept me, change me for the better or get lost.

2008-03-18T08:12:00.000-07:00

i know i'm being bitchy by saying this.
but junda, i freaking hate you for getting the OM date wrong and convincing everyone it's correct and giving us 3 more weeks to do the impossible which includes ordering wheels from US which will take 7-10 days to fly over. sorry, but you're impossible.
and daryl, if you need someone to talk to i'm here.

OM timeline:

19-comfirm everything
-get comfirmation on kornylaks
-yes/no to alternatives in singapore
-alternative wood and where to get them
20-go down to simlim for recee
-get exact motors prepared and specs taken down.
-buy motors if can
-head down to zhai motor store to get the mounts
-get wires and 2 way switches(more the merrier)
-solder
-12v lead acid batteries
21-start sawing the wood and stuff
23-get the full base done
26-battries gotten
-motors working with switches in place
-2way drive enabled if possible
-do wiring diagraming
-motors attached on
30-full thing done
-other props should have been made and lines rehearsed.

2008-03-18T05:45:00.001-07:00

This above all; to thine own self be true to the world.
and to the world, you might be 1 person.
but to 1 person, you could be the world. think about it.

how isit last year's verse of the year is becoming this year's?
i can do all things throguh Christ who gives me strength.
i will climb that peak
i will overcome this
i will succeed.

i must really learn to get rid of my insecurity

2008-03-17T05:35:00.000-07:00

i realised that when i do emo posts i don't think. which is good, but freaky. but still good. see i'm soooo using my brain again. ah shoot. gotta go german in council uniform tomorrow. annoying. um okay anyway i got to pass chuan her present today. FINALLY. hope she likes it =) um um um i want to learn bimb lang. like i think it's so cool to talk like iie lurrbx eeu. haha super cool. I'M RANDOM AND BORED. right, okay OM time. yay me

2008-03-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

a term has come and gone so quickly. it seems like just yesterday that i was making new year resolutions, waiting for the new teachers to come into class. it seems like ytd that i had my invest, that i was elected chair, that i had the unfair match of robocup. that i had the nyps camp that i'll never forget. it seems like just yesterday that i faced the trails of being a sec2, and overcame them. it seems like yesterday that i went to COCB and had the time of my life. it seems like yesterday that i got to know mia ashlee and the rest of them. it seems like just yesterday that i went to PLMGS invest and regretted not getting contacts. it seems like just yesterday that my passion had been rekindled. it seems like just yesterday, that today came.

2008-03-16T03:21:00.000-07:00

love; beloved
'cos i wanna be inside your heaven.

it's been a great awesome incredible 2 weeks away from lessons in school. oh yes and i'm actually writting this out with a pen so be honoured at my um, diligence. Yes okay anyway, school's back tomorrow. Don't really know if I'm happy about it or I want to pluck some eyeballs out. Oh and I decided that e will learn to speak with the amount of of precision that Amanda has oh & grammar too. Happy new term everybody! I think I should like make new term resolutions.
1) Grow closer to God
2) stop ponning robotics
3) improve my Chinese
4) Down the MSG
5) have better time management
6) be more sociable
I've decided to cut down on ears posts, shift them somewhere else. Gosh month feel fake. okay whatever, time to mentally prepare myself for tomorrow. Goodbye world =)

2008-03-15T04:44:00.000-07:00

God is good, all the time. Thank you.

it's amazing how a simple semi talk(it was on the noisey mrt, so yea) with Charlotte can like, change my perspective on things so easily. she reminded me of Bayside Christian Family Church. it wasn't hip worship it wasn't like those really really happening churches, but i really felt touched and like, you know, i could just feel his presence. and everyone's heart is just where it's supposed to be, lifting it up to him without caring what other people thinks. it just makes me wonder why we can't do it in PPC, why not everyone feels that way. and like, she talked about fellowship and relationship and suddenly it just made sense. like how can you call church your home, when you don't have fellowship and friendships at home. it makes home unhomely, so yea. i dunno, there has to be a way to change what's happening now, we just have to keep praying.

2008-03-14T17:37:00.000-07:00

it's saturday again.

1week since i came back to singapore and decided i want to really enjoy this holidays and only stress when work comes back in the school term. it seems that everytime i expect myself to have a good time, everything possible and impossible will happen.argh i can't stand it. i just try to let go for 2 days, and everything's screwed up already. overdue homework hanging over my head, not being sure what homework we have in the first place. being super freaking late for OM and IvP. robotics, i wanted to get it done by this hols. look at what's happened. council, all that bullshit happening. and now Mr Toh wants to scold me + get me to do another video and if that one isnt funny enough i'm screwed. argh. sometimes i just want to pull out of everything, won't life be better that way. i don't know, sometimes all it takes is a trigger for everything to start going from painful to suffering. yea then there's me, the guy who scolds myself for scolding myself for scolding myself for being so pathetic. making me more pathetic. Lord, i need strength because i'm so weak and pathetic and i can't handle this by myself

2008-03-14T01:46:00.000-07:00

it's too late to apologise
and i can't do a thing with the guilt inside.
petrified, the feeling inside.
God, help me i'm weak.

sorry ethel & amanda for pangseh&worrying ><
i'll make it up to you one day, i promise.

2008-03-13T05:17:00.000-07:00

when things are bad, i did it
when things are fair, we did it
when things are good, they did it.
live it.

camp was really fun. reminded me alot of why i'm a councillor, they bullcrap i went through and like yea all the fun of camp. don't want to talk about solonight so just skip it. air con was super cold btw. then umm yea it was just fun la, quite abit of stoning.

2008-03-11T08:48:00.001-07:00

the feeling when i see you,
the feeling when i stand beside you,
the feeling when i eyes meet
the feeling when i hear your voice
_____________________________
today has been interesting. going to change blogskin soon. how irresponsible of me, decided to finish math today but here i am, 11:40 deciding to redo my blogskin. maybe i'll do it after that, like at 2am or something. anyway, went simlim with daryl today, didn't understand half the things he went round asking and buying. anyway then went to the old parts store, saw some motors that could be used for OM then went to super zai motor store, got 1 that probably could be used for robocup, yay. i dunno why i'm moody today. and every other day. grah. i need to know my better.

To World:
Dear World,
if you find me abnormal/jerky/assholic/a complete moron/insensitive in the next days, please forgive me, then slap me in the face and tell me. too much has been happpening i guess, just can't cope. sorry.

and that scar on your wrist,
that cut in your hand,
that hole in your heart,

2008-03-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

a drop of water in the drought's special.
until the flood comes.

tablet's awesome. but i can't seem to care less now adays. we're drifting. you're changing. you all are. so am i. i don't like the person i'm becoming, arrogance. i don't want to be the jerk i dread. screw this

2008-03-09T14:13:00.000-07:00

it's 4am now, (probably jet lag la must make use of it) i dreamt of you last night, weird, but yea. it made me realise just how much i love you. not the fact that i dreamt of you because i get random dreams all the time, but, ahh i just don't know. something tells me you'll know it's you when you read it but whatever. it also made me realise just have special you are to me. and throughout my life, other than maybe my family(not my sis though) you have made the most impact in my life. infact, getting to know you was one of the huge turning milestones in my life and i'm not at the place i want to be in yet, and most of the times i feel ashamed of it infront of you. but i'm trying. i don't know, just, thank you and i love you.

okay now i'm starting to like worry about eehsien all over again. cheer up okay. be down, but don't stay down :D. ummm okay so from now till i leave at 7:30, i shall go try to understand the byte and pin and stuff on the basicx board and um drink some coffee and um, probably copy and paste my local C drive onto my hard disk to transfer over to D30 later. hahah i named my tablet D30. SO COOL RIGHT. grah i hate being up at 4am posting. firstly, i always feel like my english is rotten at 4am which it probably is as you can tell. and like i'm always emo at 4am. i don't know maybe it's like the gravity of the moon affecting my moodal tides or something. ah whatever. i hereby vowe to make this holiday a social and fun one. oh yes and coffee makes me think weirdly. oh i also vowe to use proper standard english as far as possible from the next post onwards. (um, la allowed). okay i'm going bonkers.

goodbye earthly beings

maybe i'm despo, or maybe i'm just confused. maybe i'm trying too hard. maybe i was never meant to do this. maybe i'm just the spoilt brat i was born to be. whatever. the australian trip has turned me into a jerk, i can say stuff and scold myself for saying it a minute later. i have to stop this.

2008-03-09T09:04:00.000-07:00

wild horses i wanna be like you
it's not your fault
but it's too late to apologise.

2008-03-08T17:00:00.000-08:00

and you make me want to grow up so quickly.
and you put me out of place just like that
and you changed me from the inside out
and you're the only one.

2008-03-07T07:11:00.001-08:00

just stop the clock and turn back time,
rewind to the time i'll never forget.

wild horses, i wanna be like you

growing closer to the wind, i'll run free too.

missed you so much <3

2008-03-07T06:03:00.000-08:00

back from cocb, and i'm exhausted. might post later, but for now i'm just exhausted and missing alot of people. cheer up nic and hsien.

2008-02-28T07:07:00.000-08:00

exactly 11 hours to flight, missed muchos. sigh. time seems to pass soooooo sloww.

you lay your hands upon the cold door knob and close your eyes. the earth spins, you pull yourself back. you twist the knob and squeak open the oak door only to find blank space you walk out onto the seemingly colder floor not knowing what's going on everyone's running around you smelt panic in the air you walk around and your heart sinks you look down with eyes close and you realise what's going on. you try to hold back the tears. but a tear drop falls anyway and the rain follows after you sit down in the corner with rain pouring and drenching you but you can't be bothered you look at your scarred wrists and the blood still flowing from your legs you hug your knees and hope tomorrow'll be a better day you sit there shaking in the cold hoping it'll be better some day.

someday.
i love you.

2008-02-28T02:03:00.000-08:00

you take care, don't make me worry, alright?

sigh. will be in the airport in 13 hours. it's going to be a trip of a life time. and i know i'm going to make many friends there, shannon and gang. sigh. it's suddenly hitting me on how fast time has flown. i mean seriously, it seemed like yesterday that i was telling myself how this trip was 2 hard months away, and now, it's the next door step. and i haven left and i'm missing everyone already. amanda, nic, hsien, i'm even starting to miss REALLY WEIRD AND RANDOM PEOPLE LIKE -cough cough cough cough cough-. i'm starting to realise what ruixiong went through on the plane. i'm like leaving for 7 days only, and he's going for a life time. like, yea. it feels like i'm missing so much, so much to do. i have to remember to email everyone luh. must must must must must. and camwhore too. oh and it's raining, joy. like on to the mood can. ummm yea i don't really know what to say. just, i'll miss everyone la (gosh, it's just 7 days) email me if there's anything okayy. sigh. okay back to packing. probably blog in the airport tomorrow before leaving or something.

13 hours

2008-02-27T07:24:00.001-08:00

i know it's hard on a rainy day, you just wanna shut the world out and be left alone, but don't run out on your faith.

1day.

2008-02-26T07:37:00.000-08:00

because my mind has lost direction

imagine this: you're a pillar of one. a solid pillar with hard walls that people bang into everyday. you keep the building up you're proud you're a supporter and yet a leader. you stood there from the day you were made with pride and dignity. suddenly someone bangs into you your world changes the sky turns dark the building starts to colaspe you try to hold it up, hold it up with all your might but it's crushing down on you you clench your fist your inner concrete turns to liquid you cry and you tear inside the world's coming down on you you can't take it anymore but you're rooted to the ground you must stay there you make the choice to stay and try and you try and fail and try and fail and you just want to give up but you can't move a feet you break down you're scared you're angry you don't know what's going on anymore you try to ask for help but no one listens it starts to rain, yes, water, i'm thirsty to find it's salt water and it hurts your dry tongue you suffer even more you wish you could take your life but something's pulling you back you don't know what to do you wish someone could help you you look everywhere but there isn't a person

i need you.

2 more days

2008-02-25T06:27:00.000-08:00

i'm taking a chance with life

i'm taking a step with this

i'm leaving life behind.

i need you, all of you to correct me. please don't get pissed. and if you do, just scold me. i need a beating, i need a wake up call. i'm just sorry.

packing up to leave for australia has made me realise just how much i go through everyday. not as in, how much tough stuff because i've finally got past my foolish stage and i now know how blessed a person i am. i realised how much of the stuff i get in contact with everyday i take for granted. i take the friends i piss off over msn everyday with my stupid attitude for granted. i take my ipod for granted, i take the ability to run down get a camera and take some random shots for granted. i don't know. i'm going to miss everything, everyone. and hopefully after coming back from a missionary school i would have enough time to reflect and think through what i've been doing, good and mostly bad.

2008-02-25T05:41:00.000-08:00

forget the world, focus on the simple things in life

forget the words of men, focus on His words

forget the everyday life, focus on the ants

forget the pain within you, focus on the morning joy

forget the suffering within you, focus on your life

forget the wars of today, focus on the peace of tomorrow

forget the rain coming from above, focus on the rainbow

forget the instruments, focus on the music

forget the friends, focus on the love

forget the stars, focus on the black

forget the house, focus on the plain, dull, old wall.

_________________________________

it never goes away now does it. i noticed that i've been crying alot, lately. and the worst part is there isn't an specific reason. i don't know. i guess we all need God in our lives.

3 days

2008-02-24T07:25:00.000-08:00

you, you mean the world to me. and i know we've barely talked. and i really want to change that. i'm sorry for my extra crazy schedule. i know i'm probably not anywhere on your VIP list but it doesn't matter. all i want you to know is that i really really do love you alot, and yes again, even though we barely talk and i keep calling you stone, you'll really be missed. no idea why, but yea. you have changed my life, and i have no idea how i could ever repay you for that. you're probably going diao now or something, but yea. just hope that someday, somehow, you'll know i'm talking about you. <3

and now looking back on the past year

how much we've grown,

how deep the frown now

anger; fustration

4 days.

2008-02-23T04:16:00.000-08:00

5 more days.

please stop your crying now
stop living in the facade
you're not the same

rhythm guitars sound as the floor tom vibrates. the solo comes in, the singer jumps into the air. the snare drum sounds the lights go off, the fireworks go the woofer hits you the waves are wrinkled the hi hat opens the stick hits the bass guitar's pluck the cars are driving by a jet streams pass over head bikers speed past you street lamps turn on their orange glow the sun sets giving a red sky the hill seems taller the clouds move away the cold sets in the night's around you finally decide to sit down.

you sit there on the road buildings tower over you; they scare you mist appears before your mouth as you exhale the sighs you let off the stress of everyday life and look down upon the ground. the simplest things start to make sense ants seem interesting the surface of the road seems as smooth as glass a storm's coming the rain's pouring. soon the clouds move over head. people abandon the streets the park beside you seems to be talking to you with shadows you hug you knees the world seems to revolve faster the moon right above you seem to be the sun all of a sudden and you start to feel alone the world has encircled you you're threatened you can't find your way out the clouds seem lower the building seems closer. than ever they bend down to stare at you the dusbin beside you seems to condemn you you look up knowing the moon will comfort you again just to find out it's all shades of black, of clouds, and suddenly your shut your eyes and water drops upon you like hail it hurts so bad, the pain is killing you but you sit there. slowly bit by bit holes appear on you blood pours out from the dams you but you sit there. you continue hugging your knees you know this time will pass you know the sun will rise again but it never did the hail kept on hitting you and the win kept blowing, taunting you, scolding you for the nothing that you but you sit there. soon your tears start to join the rain and hail but no one can see you crying. soon you scream for help but no one's there to listen to you. you wish you could hold on for just that one more minute until the sun rises but you can't and you won't you stand up just to be pushed to your knees again. the smooth roads seems to rough out of a sudden the tower buildings that you once dread were not there to shelter you any more people and cars all flood to the streets with covers of their own except you. you kneel in the middle of the road hoping for salvation but all you find is cars whizzing by and people walking by. you try to catch their attention but all it does it make them look at you and laugh the shadows within the park haunt you even more but you begin to not care as the hails get bigger and bigger a shelter appears before you, it taunts you, it tells you to go for shelter. you seem delighted and rush towards it you find out it's just a shadow, an imagination a dislusion of yours you fall to the ground once again wishing life wasn't this bad. you see a blade on the floor and only if you could end all of this you reach out for the blade but all your find is a block of ice, a block of anger and hate a clock flies past you, seemingly slowing down time and time itself. at this point of time you're so lost you start banging your head on the walls in desperation of taking your own life you scream for the sun to come back up and end all of this you cry out for someone to help you you start to tremble you go mad you take the world against you you lose your sanity you take apart yourself from the inside out and soon you fall to the ground and let the hail hit you, you can bare this no more, you can't care less hail hits your eyes you go blind hail drops on your stomach you puke blood but you stay down and lay down letting the hail rip you from the inside out but the pain can't be compared to the self mutilation you inflict on your heart and as the constant beating slows to a halt you inevitably ask yourself.

why am i here what's wrong with me.
someone save me, please
if you even bothered to read it.

2008-02-22T08:38:00.001-08:00

dear world, in exactly a week's time. i would have landed in australia. i'll miss you all so much. really.

2008-02-22T02:18:00.000-08:00

and the light rays fly through the dropping raindrops.

well maybe all i need is a little time and space, a little air in the head, a little chance to catch my breath. why am i treated differently. and we'll all be here together as 1, trying to live up to our name as leaders, and yet we'll all fall to the bottom, struggling in desperation with choked up heads all day, to get to the top. when the new toppers are people who play and slack around all day. why is life this way. screw it.

call me weird but i don't know why, i just want to escape the world with some rhythm and rhyme, and try to find my own time. i'm too rushed, i'm trying so hard and yet i'm failing. i already told you before i can start caning myself when i fail at something. it isn't easy this time.

2008-02-21T02:52:00.000-08:00

it's a labour of love. it's the feeling when it's breaking down, and you have 33 seconds left and you know you must win it, you know you can win it, everyone has seen that you can win it and yet you fail. that pushes me on i guess. life's like that. and as for some assholes who can't read rules, think i'm dumb and some who just organise with everyone else to break rules so it can't be enforced. screw you. because i know that when i do go overseas for international stuff, you will see me there and regret.

sobbing under breath

2008-02-20T07:28:00.000-08:00

i'm coming home.
_________________
somehow, staying in school till 9:30 for a cause close to heart is emofying. it's like sitting at the end of the world, and looking back and questioning yourself the reason for every one of your actions. i guess life's like that i times. anyway competition tomorrow, grah. fine tuning turn mass tuning now. crap.

and girl i'm mising you alot, i'm missing everyone alot. soon this'll be over. but i'll be away. grah. i'm so sorry. i'm emo, i'm restless and i'm tired, tired of everything. screw life.

2008-02-19T06:20:00.000-08:00

lose the flow,

let the music take control; 1 more day.

_________________________________

hello world. today school. um, not bad, it was quite slack. i decided i shall rewrite my story for draft 2, it's risky but i don't think it could be any worst than my draft 1 so yea. umm okay robotics after school, awesome. i got ball tracking done, though i have to refine it and all. and last night my stupid thing about compass sensor was damn wrong. i forgot it's multiply by 2 SQUARE (keep forgetting the square) okay no one gets me. wanted to screen shot, see if anyone understands, but nevermind. um yea so tomorrow it's just add greyscale and search pattern. YAY ME. perry, get the freaking goalie done and make it zai or i'll skin you alive, throw your skin in for perrysoup, take your heart out, let it beat on the table as a subwoofer, take your lungs out as a pillow and as for the rest of your meat, they go to your girlfriend to remember you. um what else. oh yes, EOTA meeting was quite cool, never been this informal with mr toh before, not going to be around on that day, so i'm trying to do as much ground work as possible, to make up. yea. umm speaking of toh, i have 3 tests tomorrow. -faints- -wakes up- -faints again-. like history, but IS and math from thurs both moved over. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. okay la, IS need 10 minutes of mugging later, history hsien got my facts straight for answering tech so yea, thanks =). then um, yea just some notes mugging and i can start praying i don't fail. whee. I WANT TO KNOW MY SCI RESULTS. sigh i think this term's super screwed. chinese was screwed cause of camp (but i passed, at the very freaking least). then science, less than 10 A1's in our class, so i'm praying hard. then geog, i'm quite confident about it. but i was confident about science, so yea. and um, yea we'll see how things go tomorrow. I NEED REDBULL. there's going to be half of CC tomorrow to run. grah. anyway, off to 1 hr of pure history then abit of IS and alot of prayer. yep :D

____________________

to look up in the noon sky and see pure darkness;

to stare at the face of evil and think happy thoughts;

to be at the end of the line and not break down;

someone once said was wisdom.

2008-02-17T07:44:00.000-08:00

time was shaken, hearts were taken.

________________________________

i walked across an empty land. i walked down that grey road, somewhat alone, and yet, not so alone. you confuse me. you really do. oh simple thing where have you gone, wasn't love supposed to be a feeling, what happened here. i'll sit in this corner and throw my night away. i'll count the days of thinking this through and not being able to find an answer, i'll talk to you, be encouraged, just to be let down. i'll be listening to music, to think life's okay, until the battery runs out.

schools' back on tomorrow, and i just want this week to be over. i'll stare at my pretty lightstick one more time, tell myself life's okay. but what happens when i put it down. my robot's done, but it's failing. argh. i'm just going to flunk this test of life. there isn't a point anymore. screwed.

don't you freaking dare worry about me.

you know what, i'll just let the pictures do the talking.

2008-02-16T09:30:00.001-08:00

so am i not supposed to care that this friendship i thought was there has been turn to ash. i don't want to let this go. but if it makes you happy, sure. i just wished it could have lasted.

2008-02-15T15:20:00.000-08:00

sleeping at 7pm and waking at 2am seems nostalgic somewhat. it's like wanting to wake up to the sun, the sun which brings about the light and a new day and more time to do work, and all you see is the pitch black of the night.

sitting on the new table at 3am seems to make me think. it's the first time in a long time that i really got to sit down, with nothing to do, nothing to say, nothing to work on, and just think. just reflect on myself as a person, on the quality of work i've been giving out. about the friend i've been. about how, when i don't pay attention to my character, i go from bad to worst.

and as the tears flow, i ask myself why am i doing all these. why isit some people get to go home and play all day, why do i choose to torture myself. with no sleep, with the absence of life. just with the sheer amount of work.

i have no idea. but either ways, thanks and sorry. i'll try to be me again. robotics is screwing my life up but then again i realise robotics is my life. so i'll have to do another algorhythm for this. it's 7:25 now. gotta go get ready to go out. another busy day's ahead, argh. don't ask me if i'm fine.

2008-02-14T03:59:00.000-08:00

my insides all turn to ash, on a valentines day.

today. um, i don't know why, but i think i'm emo like crap mainly because of the sleep depervation. 3am last night, 4+ the night before. the night before, no sleep woohoo. i don't know. like, seeing nic again today, although i didn't really get the chance to talk to her and stuff, and like hanging with hsien. it made me realised just how much i really freaking miss camp. everyone's probably going diao now because camp passed so long ago and it's all memories now, but i don't know. seeing them again made me realised that i've been missing camp more and more and more everyday since it ended. it's just that the stress level has been going up, just nice to cover it. i don't know. sorry for the daoism hsien.

2008-02-13T08:14:00.000-08:00

everyone's changing. time's moving faster. screw life. i can't take this.
dear diary, today i tried to kill myself. it was a rather interesting experience.

2008-02-13T04:06:00.000-08:00

it amazes me, how selfish i can get. how i can be a total jerk all the time. how i can just speak tactlessly all the time. how i hurt everyone around me. when you read this and think this is untrue, or true. please like completely scold me the next time you find me being a jerk. i don't want to hurt anymore. argh, screw this.

we're drifting. i won't let this happen.

2008-02-12T08:15:00.000-08:00

bury me,

i'm sorry.

2008-02-11T05:50:00.000-08:00

illusions of life.
everytime i fall;
________________________________
todayy. um what happened. oh yes okay there was school, falling asleep during chinese no idea why. then after school had the CNY party um meeting. but went down to simlim with daryl anyway. teehee competition what. anyway, found this super cool shop with like EVERYTHING. something tells me i'm going to be splurging alot in there. anyway, um we bought this zai looking pneumatic cylinder. and some pipes which are super old and keep breaking and i only realised that now, crap. um yea and a solenoid valve. it'll be totally freaking awesome if it can work. ummmmmm what elseeeee.. OH YES. homework done wheee can start mugging science and germ was like an hour hour half or like, robotics or like IvP or like OM. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE INFINITE!. okay laming. goodbye world.

2008-02-10T04:25:00.000-08:00

i just wish it didn't have to end.

________________________________

um, today. today today. i read through my last post and started thinking like, what the hell am i saying. then the whole scoldyourself thing started. grah i don't know. whatever, i'm still a loser and a poser so i guess life's great. i don't know. i really really really really don't. like, grah whatever i shall just dao it. anyway school's back on tomorrow and it's a monday. and there isn't violin. so i'm like almost completely free. huray!. but i'm staying back till 4:30 to mug with pn. umm, yeaa robotic stuff haven't arrived so things are starting to heat up. you know, i'm worried for hsien. and mike. wait. i'm worried for (hsien. and mike) and (nicolette [btw i still haven thought of what to call you. grah]) and (Mrs Ann and Vic) and (amanda about her super late unseen prose, yes i'm psychic). mhm mhm okay don't wanna talk about the whole hsien mike saga, since i'm probably not allowed to anyway. ah i don't knowwwwwwww i don't know what i don't know which makes me super don't know. grah i'll just sleep soon. whatever. i seriously hope once school slaps me in the face again i'll stop emoing.

11 days.

2008-02-09T12:10:00.000-08:00

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MAYBE RIDICULOUSLY RANDOM AND EMO TO SOME, OR MOST. EITHER WAYS PLEASE DO NOT READ PAST THIS LINE.

____________________________________________________________________

it's 4:12 now. it's late. this is making me remember alot of things. camp was awesome, and i don't know why i still miss it like crazy. i also missed the silly days where me and amanda tried to stay up all the way and i failed miserably and got pwned by her. i miss that day where i stayed up to build 311107 and comfort chuan, or tried to. okay actually it was more like dao no dao dao no dao but whatever. i miss the days of psle where ruixiong stayed overnight, and we mugged the night away. i miss the other days with him, jamming. haha do you remember that silly song we composed, tell me why. tell me why i'm not your valentine. which makes me remember, valentine's day is coming up. hope chuan & ely are free/willing to go out like on that day or something, just for the fun of it. i'm sick and tired of this dull dull life. (no offence) but i don't wanna be the next kah how. good in acads, super discipline but miserable social life. i hate this, why did you have to migrate. why did you have to meet her and alter the course of time. why did you get drawn to her ;D. why did i cry when you leave and yet not care about you leaving. observe the piercing silence. argh screw life. (the following is super random and uncalled for and diao and poser/attention seeking of me but everything changes at 4:29)

amanda, you are seriously one of a kind. like, i don't think i'll ever find another you. you're always the one that never fails to find a moral of the story to cheer me up. okay, so you can be quite dao and stone at times(which really is my fault since i'm always bugging and disturbing you) but i really really do love you. i don't know, like everyone else mentioned has like, stuff that can be mentioned. but for you, i don't know. you just completely changed my life. you turned me out of a sunday Christian and completely changed my perspective of life. if you ever have any problems or like troubles, i'm open. thank you.

chuan, thanks for always being there for me. it's like everytime you comfort me in one way or another through whatever problems, i stop and think. like, why can't i ever comfort you back. i mean, like it should work both ways. i think. anyway just want to say you're one of the most awesome person i've ever met. i only wish that i could help you back, the way you help me. i get this feeling that we're drifting. rapidly. maybe it's just me, maybe it isnt. i don't know. either ways i hope that we'd be friends forever. like, yea. grah i just don't know how to spell it out about how much i love and treasure you.

derrick(the duckie). you're the closest dude friend i know, even though we haven like spoken in decades. okay shit i feel super out of place and whodoyouthinkyouare-ish. but whatever. it's like, you're always there for me. and like chuan, i find it hard to be there for you back. you helped me with the sec sch life adapting, the rx problem and like so many other problems. and you're like a musical inspiration. i just wish we could hang out more. actually i wish i could like, hang out. like yea, with everyone. can't find time, argh you're to blame nat, you're to blame. thank you

darius. haha you're like the guy i've been sleeping with for the longest time (okay sounds uber wrong)but yea. ever since i was like 4, or 5. you were my bigger brother. always looking out for me and all. and i know you won't read this. but like as much as we're drifting due to age now, i really do love and treasure you too.

elysha, well okay first of all, don't bother about him. anyway um, i don't know. like you're the most musical person i've ever met. and a damn well good singer too. and like you're funny (whacky,insane. those types) and you're going to australia soon. you were the first person back then who really drove the message in that i had to believe that i could do something, before i can do it. and i guess you're the reason why i'm in hwachong(suffering) right now. it's a good thing though. i don't really know how to say it la. you're completely insane, 1 of a kind and i really love you and will still do when you're like miles away.

eehsien, it's been 12/13 days since i've like, known you and yet i feel that you mean so much to me and we've gone through so much. i don't know. you have to take care of yourself, don't let bastards put you down. i really hope this friendship goes on for a really long time to come. thanks for all your comforting and complains about dale in camp. i'm here for you. haha

jerald the whackiest dude i know (sorry elysha, you're the 2nd whackiest DUDE). also the guy i've been sleeping with for life. you know, honestly you're in inspiration to me. like you're so freaking sucessful. and the facade you put up all the time is so strong. it's difficult to follow in your footsteps but i want to be there one day. the leadership, the MUSICALITY, just, you. your style, your ability to stand out from the rest without caring. i love you alot cuzzie, really do.

jamie, thanks for all the emo talk before, you know, with everything going on, just, thanks. alot. for everything. grah i have so many 'don't know what to says' but yea. just, thanks alot. love you.

nicolette, haha i miss your feet and your head. anyway um, yea just like hsien, i've only know you for 12/13 days but i feel so close to you. maybe it's the emoing in camp. or the falling asleep while waiting for cross dorm (sorry!). but like, i don't know. it's amazing how this works. but anyway, thanks for all your emoing along with in camp, the flagpole area, your head which, come to think about it, i'm starting to miss it along with your really nice feet. (wei yi chen so has to send me those pictures. argh.)but um, yea i just miss you alot, even though i just spoke to you like 5 hours ago. if you ever need me, like amidst the stress and troubles, i'm here. and i hope this will be the beginning of a super long and nice friendship. love you.

peng ning, congrats you're the only 2I dude that's up. well okay, first of all thanks for the awesome monitoring last year and this year. thanks for being there for me when i emo, knocking boy sense into me and um, yea thanks for pwning me in acads to make me work harder. thanks for totally pangsehing me on first night of camp, and like not waking me up on the second night. i really hope we get into the same class next year and all. you'll never be forgotten

perry, you ang mor looking hardworking SLCOT faggot. thanks for well okay first of all, robotics. thanks for all the encouragement last year during NJRC stay over. y'know during FLL for pangseh-ing. all the competitions really. thanks for just being there, helping out, accompanying, the listening ear. not like SOME PEOPLE. but yea, jia you for SLC. we have another 4 3/4 years together (if you don't quit robotics which you better not or i'll have your xiao bai lian on my desk)

ruixiong, okay despite all the bullcrap that has happened, i really really miss you. there really isn't much to say because everything's already engraved forever. you'll always remain.

there, i'm done. i know it's super gay and poser and lame and all, but whatever. it's how i feel. take me as you find me. andd yes. 5:30 now. gah i just miss having a life. so much.

___________________

the facade of never ending deception.

thanks for the memories

2008-02-09T01:27:00.000-08:00

facade of lies, i don't want to hurt anyone anymore
________________________________
helloooooooo world. i notice i've been sleeping alot. crap. like yesterday, i slept 3 hours after mugging till cousins came. then today, i fell asleep over lit at 1. and i just woke up, that's 4 1/2 hours -faints-. um yeaaa anyway thanks hsien, for like everything :D. and nic, don't feel that way, it's seeandwhy okayy.

OKAY. i shall blog about things to do tonight, so i can't lie about doing it. yesh okay

mug lit, 4 poems
practise math stuff for the 3/4 topics (shit i can't even remember)
science, go through theories and practise (done, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)
do yer' filing dude. homeworkfile's overweight already.
robotics wheel issue
studie deutsch

ya, ich besser anfang erledigen meiner Arbeit, Tschüss :D (oh yes, welcome the new smilie into the collection of tobeusedsmilies.

2008-02-08T06:49:00.000-08:00

desperado,
your prison is walking through this world all alone.
you better let somebody love you
before it's too late.

these knives and spears of yours, they
pierce never ending holes, it
makes me bleed deep within

people all around me, they
hold hands and walk around, it
makes me need you more

your crocodile actions and words, they
confuse and distorts me, it
makes my steel tears fall

people all around me, they
form circles around me, it
disjoints me from you

all these thoughts within me, they
seem to destroy me quickly, it
consumes me from within

because all i want is a way out of this
because all i want is to stop crying
because all i want is to stop scolding myself
because all i want is to be loved
because all i want is someone to love
because all i want to do is be me.
just, me.

2008-02-08T05:55:00.001-08:00

argh, you'll never know how much you mean to me.

2008-02-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

and we're drifting like nobody's buisness.
all you can say is you don't care.
________________________________
i don't know why i'm feeling this way. i don't know why i should feel this way. well yea, there isn't a reason for it. and yet i'm dying inside. no one has seen it, no one will see it. i guess that's good. you ask me to let you help me. i'm sorry i was so mean, but i really don't want to get anyone involved. i'm already hurting too many people, including myself. i don't want this to spread. i tried the happyonlyposts approach, it died after 2 weeks. well at least it lasted 2 weeks la. it sucks to be in a boys only school. okay most of the time at least. i feel so lost from emotions, i can feel my eq just drop out of the sky. i'm not supposed to be acting this way. inevitably i ask myself if this is the true me, and that caring for others was just some lie i put up. i mean, why do i have to give a damn about people crying 5/6 hrs a day. argh i don't know. okay just dao this. i'm missing like everyone. i have no idea why. i can like, get off the phone with so and so and go, dang i miss so and so. i don't even know what i'm talking about. argh whatever.

2008-02-06T23:20:00.000-08:00

because i'm afraid]
________________________________
i don't understand why happiness is just like a rivermirror. sometimes it's there, shining, telling the world it's there and spreading the light like a mirror. but it has to seep through the rocks and disappear at one point of time or another, and it takes ages to come back. i'll just sit here in this corner, like detached from the world. i'm sure i won't be missed anyway so whatever. i read somewhere that maturity comes when you start putting people before yourself. but what happens when you let people before you consume your everything, putting you down all the time, using you. argh whatever. back with the facade and the mask.

2008-02-06T08:42:00.000-08:00

going back to phpps made me realise i have basically no one to go with in phpps. ely and chuan, they have each other and missing kor. i simply have like, no one from phpps to go with. maybe it's time to move on. maybe i shouldn't call phpps my home anymore. i don't know. i just realised that maybe phpps has been my home without any family members. i don't know. i'm just super detached unappreciated and half dead. i don't know it's probably just me killing myself again. i'm missing the phpps people even more, although i just saw them today. i really really really don't know. seeing chuan and ely today was like, damn i'm missing rx on my side. it just switched on the whole kasey rx migration crap thing again. except this time it's + missing camp. i'll prolly not go back next year. i'm weak, i'm fragile. i'm not the person i swore to be. i'm not supposed to cry. not here, not now. not like anyone reads anyway.

argh

2008-02-06T05:07:00.000-08:00

with hands held high

2008-02-05T22:48:00.001-08:00

let's stay together till dawn.

2008-02-04T07:19:00.000-08:00

________________________________
the night is so long, and everything's changing.

have you ever felt like you can't really be yourself. that you're like insecure of yourself, and revealing your true self to other people. and when you go high, and forget the facade you're supposed to put up, and people peek into your true self. do you feel insecure after that and start apologising.

everyone feels that way, and everyone knows everyone else feels that way. and yet no one wants to break the ice. because i'm sure if everyone shows their true self to everyone else, everyone would accept the 'true' each other. and it's just this infinite loop that goes on and on and on forever. i can't stand it. if i'm different, or weird to you. please tell me. if i'm a loser or i piss you off/annoy you/diao you in anyway please please tell me again. i want to know where i go wrong when i go.

argh life's getting tougher. when will this road u-turn.

2008-02-04T01:57:00.000-08:00

i'm so sorry. just sorry. for being a jerk, for being an insensitive asshole, for bringing unnecessary negative emotions to everyone. i'm just really really really sorry for everything i've done. and i know most people would read this and say i'm just going for the attention or whatever but i'm just, sorry, for everything.
_____________________
we'll all tide it through together.

2008-02-03T06:10:00.001-08:00

what am i supposed to not be allowed to lose it. everyone's changing. i'm watching the world turn by and yet no one seems to see anything. my heart is boiling and throbbing beneath me, and yet i have to press forth with homework. before today i thought it was impossible to tear over pepper lunch, on the bus(shit, wet psp) and over homework(crap smudge ink). let alone all on the same day. i just want to bloody release everything, watch it all free fall.and now i'm expected to put up a never ending facade, pretending i'm fine, showing the rest how nice life can be. slitting one's wrist and putting salt is fun.

2008-02-03T01:14:00.000-08:00

trying to surpress it all, putting up a mask for the illusion, and a facade for deception
_________________
what happened today. nothing much. got quite pissed with the hk store guy. ummmmmm yeaaa church. oh ya thanks Amanda, for the really awesome cookies. i'll have to lock it up later or i'm never getting my voice back. andd uh, yea. i just realised i'm quite screwed for like, everything. so yea. good game nat, really good game.

2008-02-02T02:31:00.000-08:00

i'll miss em all so much <3

2008-02-01T09:06:00.001-08:00

i'm feeling emo beyond emoness that i've known before, so like instead of cutting my wrist like last night(i can't see, it's still healing) i shall just post gibberish. you may choose not to read(like anyone reads my blog) or try to see what or who or why or whatever i'm talking about

i'm lost. but i guess that's part life isnt it. everyone gets lost once in awhile, and people around him or her will pull them back, forging everlasting friendships, or so i'm told. i don't want to go into thie night thinking everything's fine, or decieving myself to think i'm fine. i bleeding and killing myself over how i'm feeling now but i don't want this to end. not till i learn something from it. and i'll squash myself into this corner tonight just listening to music and hope these feelings will go away, leaving me with a scar for life. my heart's heavy, my breathing's unbearable. i can't think straight, and if that isnt enough, robotic's pulling me down like crap. CNY's coming up and i just don't want to go out, i don't want to eat. i'm afraid i'll fall into depression with all the nooverobsessive eating habits and stuff. how isit everytime i feel happy, i suspect it's a facade and lose happiness. then when it does turn out to be a facade i'll just drop down that well even deeper, never to get out of it. and everytime my heart races, i just happen to be staring at something pretty from down below, like a rainbow, a ray of hope, your face. so it seems that i'll just keep dropping and dropping and dropping. not like i was supposed to rise anyway. as i go deeper, the world's just getting darker and darker and darker. and soon there won't be a ray of light passing through the thin air. and something tells me i'll be happiest then, because i will never have to bluff myself into thinking there's some hope left. and i know everyone's reading this telling me i'm only sec2, there's nothing to worry about. yea that's probably true. it's also probably true i'm just spoilt and petty, it's also probably true that i'm self centred. i'm a jerk. i'm a loser. the moon's up tonight. it's really pretty. i need strength. i really do. i guess everyone does. and so tomorrow's a new day, a new day with new hopes new dreams new possiblities, tied down by the failures and tiredness of today. there isn't a way across this, and only time will tell i suppose. i'm slacking, and i'm still slackening. i'm losing my grip, i'm losing the will i once had to continue and fight on. i remember the time where i either had a night to rush on something i knew had a high chance of not working, or go to sleep for the competition the next day. i chose the former. and now i'm sitting here wondering where has that gone to. i don't have to succeed, i don't have to do well, i don't have to bother about what others think about me all i have to do is know that i did my best. and now the protective barrier around me is broken, and i don't have the time to rebuild it. so what, i'll remain a victim to all of this for as long as school's on. i have brothers in school. brothers who have no emotional quotient. and my sisters, they have their own friends and problems to worry about, bothering them's just stupid. and i shall just end this post here since i really don't know how to express the way i'm feeling now. this doesn't and isn't helping at all but what the heck

like janan said, it sucks to be me.

2008-02-01T08:29:00.000-08:00

it's amazing. everyone is insecure about themselves. everyone knows everyone else is insecure of themselves. everyone knows all it takes is for someone to step out and tell the world how they truly feel and everyone will follow, and yet. no one does it. and it's sad to say i'm one of them.
___________________
and as emotions run high,
i'm still stuck here wondering why
the pain goes on

and as i walk on all alone
i start to think about you and i
the pain goes on

and as i start to look back on what i've done, i'll notice that everything seems so fake, so non-existent. and everything i try to do or i want to do, it has to go through my brain a million times. i wish i could tell you how i feel right now, honestly. i wish everyone could tell every other ones how they feel right now, but i guess that's how life is isnt it. the throbbing in my head gets worst and worst everyday, my frown gets lower, my worry pulls more of my soul out of me. it consumes from within. look, i know you're probably reading this rolling your eyes now but i want to be me. take me as you find me. i don't want to be what you like, i don't want to be the person in everyone's hearts. i just want to be me, the rest will settle itself. my teardrops hit the table, one at a time. i'm not crying, i'm just tearing. i'm thinking back on what life is, what it could be, what it's going to be. i'm just so sorry to everyone for everything.

2008-01-31T04:11:00.000-08:00

NYPSP5CAMP

and after all this time, i guess we'll just have to bite down together. it's always the case with things that make us high. after it ends, emotions flood in. i guess it's part of life and it can't be stopped. all i want to say is i love you people so, so much.

the screaming at the kids, the suanning of my horrible class to the emo talks at the flagpoles, to discovering my fetish for feet and heads to dale being a total arse. i mean, i don't know how i can say this, i really really don't. the 3days2nights we've been through, only the 5(6?7?8?9?) of us will ever truly understand how it feels. there will never be another bunch of us. there will never be another (horrible) batch of p5's to take care of. there will never be another (awesome) group of SL's to take care of that batch. so i guess we'll just freeze all our memories and hope they won't fade away. argh how fitting, where'd you go just came up on my ipod. because i don't ever want us to be apart. it's only been 1 day and i'm missing everyone, even though i can see peng ning and weiren like, in class screaming/emo-ing their asses off. i'll miss this 3 days alot. more so, the 2 nights. there's only 1 NYPSP5CAMP '08. and i'm proud to say i'm part of it. and i'm proud to say i'm part of this siblinghood.

nanyang kababa, ole ole ah ah.

2008-01-30T23:17:00.000-08:00

shut up and drive
________________________
haha isnt that lightstick like totally pretty.(thanks nic =) ). haha it totally reminds me of investiture too. like the whole light show thing, which brought about shut up and drive la. okay anyway post about camp will come later. haha i need to go through it like a few more times, make sure i didn't miss out anything.

umm school today was okay la, chinese test was so freaking screwed but i already prepared myself mentally for that. uhh what else. oh yes the two of them didn't go to school because of their poor poor throats. GO EAT LEMONS LA. so anyway going to german soon, think i shall like do some revision before i go. ahhhhh the freaking temptation to like, totally drop 3rd lang is super strong la. i mean i'm c6-ing it, i catch no balls in class, it's taking up really really alot of time. which means that i end at 6:30 or 7 every single dayyyy -plonk-

sigh, okay i know i'm like super super random but i wish i knew how to help elysha. i mean, okay i don't think it's possible for her case but i can't stand being helpless to someone. argh. oh yes, my anglish rocks.
___________________
you probably know it's you but i'm saying it like no one knows who it is anyway. i don't know why we ended that way, actually, i don't know how we ended or if we ended. or. okay nevermind. all i'm saying is i don't want this to end, i just want this to be the beginning of something extrodinary. something we'll all treasure for a long time. something we'll cry about if it's lost. you don't know how much you mean to me, or why. well neither do i. but i do know that somehow i happen to care and love you alot. let's make this the start of something new, shall we?

2008-01-30T06:43:00.000-08:00

i don't care what they say,
i'm in love with you.
________________________
and i keep bleeding inside,
and these flood gates are jammed
because all i want
is for you to be happy.

2008-01-27T02:25:00.000-08:00

the last night you'll spend alone.
____________________
hey world. this is my last post =(.. for 3 days. GOING CAMP WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. hoping to be able not to sleeeeep. i mean, who actually sleeps at camps luh. ummmm. yeaa i'm glad all my homework's done. umm have to start packing soon. oh thanks Panda for the present =). ummmmmm what elseeee... urh okay there's alot more stuff but i'll save it. OH YES HAPPY 1000th POST!. with 300 public and 700 drafts. haha nice numbers.

goodbye world!

2008-01-26T16:55:00.000-08:00

but they don't know you like i know you
they don't know you at all
______________________
hi all, robotics is giving me a headache with budget ideas plausibility and programming NXT stuff. OH. and time too. yay me x9.

OH YES, i've decided i shall call Amanda Amanda the panda from now on =) since she probably sleeps super little or doesn't sleep at all, works hard with her homework (chewing on bamboo) and probably has pretty panda eyes by now.

hmm last night, worked till 3:30, like till i couldn't take it and needed to crash. then i woke up at 4:15 -______-. so i continued work. gna go back to work soon. yay me. umm oh going nyps camp tomorrow. YAY. it's gna be fun screaming my ass off and mugging at 3+ in the morning thanks to Ng Hui Hoon. (don't really want to elaborate). so um, yea hopefully i can sleep early today, need alot of energy. MAN I CAN'T WAIT i'm going to make a point not to be anti social this time. like my goal is to get the contacts of at least 5 people, nygh or nyps. and i realised i look really gay in PE hurhur. ummm what else. sigh, i'm getting the whole depression scheme again. sighzxz. oh, elysha, don't bother too much about him.
______________________
you're better than trust

2008-01-25T18:02:00.000-08:00

Scientists in the UK have calculated that the most depressing day of the year comes in the third week of January. Winter days are dark and cold, holiday excitement has worn off just as Christmas debts are coming due, and New Year’s resolutions have all been broken. The celebrations, gift-giving, and good intentions that once made us feel happy now press us down and leave us feeling hopeless. __________________________
Moses cried out to the Lord, “Since I came to Pharaoh to speak in Your name, he has done evil to this people; neither have You delivered Your people at all” (Ex. 5:23). As Moses and the Hebrew people were about to learn, God’s rescue plans sometimes don’t kick in until all hope seems to be gone.
If the circumstances of your life seem to be going from bad to worse, sending you into depression and despair, remember that God always hears and answers our cries—but it’s in His time, not ours
__________________________
and this is no excuse, pull your focus back you freaking idiot.

2008-01-25T07:46:00.000-08:00

'cause you'll never put me down.
i'm not going to let you.
____________________________
i'm wishing i could turn back time and tell you how i feel. i'm wishing you could explain everything and remove this cloud above us. i wish you would stop dao-ing me everytime you're pissed. or you're not. if you're pissed, just tell me, you know i appreciate criticism. i can't live like this any longer. i can't take this. and i wish you'll love me as much as i do. and i hope you'll correct me whenever i'm wrong, not keep it inside, wait for it to grow and finally destroy us all. and i hope you'll be reading this knowing it's you. and i hope you find that this makes sense and you'll tell me how you feel. and i wish i knew how to express how i feel into words, but i can't. 我是有苦，说不出。我是无法告诉你我心里所想的。i don't want this to end. not now, not ever. i guess i'm supposed to have trust and faith in you and all, but i'm sorry i just can't swallow that now.
____________________________
today, um. i really have nothing to say.

2008-01-24T03:49:00.000-08:00

so i'll just sit here,
waiting for you to be done trying.
_________________
today was, irritating.
oh camp at nygh, mistaken haha nyps mon to wed.
SO FREAKING SOON

anyway um, saw elysha today, she looks weird. we were doing filming and all. i'm so freaking tired and lost and i'm so behind for everything. robotics i'm lagging. and like, ya. i don't wish to bad mouth huang lao shi, but i think she's totally unfair. she tells us theres a test 2 weeks ago. today tell us what'll be tested(which she never started teaching btw) and the test's on monday. we tell her it's too rush. come tell us she told us 2 weeks ago. oh okay, sorry for not knowing you'll be testing all the normal stuff when you teach us bullshit. argh i can't stand it. i shall do listing, it helps to clear clouds. sorta.

math worksheet
chinese magazine crap
council video?
robotics(late like crazy)
piano homework
ACE!

yes about ace, i'm freaking screwed. like basically nothing done. ARGH HOW TO HAVE ENOUGH TIME. singapore's government sucks. hypocritical. have enough sleep everyday, but come home at 11pm with alot of homework. have a 5 day work week but go back on saturday. take vision breaks every 40 minutes but have 1 hr periods. and even so, teachers go on and on and on and on with no break. live a balanced life. um yaaaaa. 12 hrs in school 12 hrs at home. then what? minimum 8 hrs of sleep. yaaaaa. possible. argh.

2008-01-23T07:14:00.000-08:00

'cause Lord i think i'm losing my way.
_____________________
argh.

2008-01-23T02:41:00.000-08:00

drive
________________
investiture was awesome. i don't even know where to start. so everyone started coming in in their various blazers, it was the start. met old friends from nygh and scgs and dunman. was so happy. then it all started. mr chan gave a speech later on, and it struck me. now i know why i'm a councillor. now i know what it means. it's just those moments where you see your senior talk to you about your life story and you stop to think, i want to be there one day, i must. anyway then HSC made their entry. was cool. they used light sticks in the dark and those glowing gloves to write the words '35' and 'hsc' then aiya it was just dam cool. they did the flashing thing and all, then the music stopped, the lights come on, and there stood the 35th hsc in a V formation. was really really awesome. it got all the other school people pumped up like crazy then ortus formation part, it was kinda screwed. but the important thing is everyone impromtu-ed together and made it better than the planned one. anyway after the theme song and investiture which was the most emotional time. like. we're one. ish. um yea then we did a cheer. 34th HSC surprised us by leading another cheer haha then alot of other crap la which was totally totally fun. i <3 council

after that it was tours. i got to tour st margret people haha. so we went round the school was super cool talking to them about school and all. then they asked for my number so we exchanged um contacts yea. then we went up the clock tower. ALL THE WAY UP which i've never been before, don't think we're allowed to but i saw the hsc people bringing people up so yea. then it was the sick thing we all had to do which i shan't mention. you can ask me about it though. sigh was super super awesome. had to carry one of them because she was too short haha. but it was awesome and all, haha and now they're my jie mei liao. OH and desmond and cai yong were like flirting with the nygh councillors. pffffffft.

sigh, i really don't know how to put this. council investiture '08 was seriously seriously awesome. i'm like, i'm finally a councillor. ahhh i just don't know how to post about it and stuff. okay i shall try again tomorrow when i get back my senses haha. this is what i came for. i'm just ecstatic la. oh and i love the view ontop of the clock tower, i swear i could see orchard. pictures will follow. 35th HSC rocks. investiture '08 rocks. thanks to everyone for coming and thank you sheryl for whacking my head alot -___-
______________________
for you i will.

2008-01-22T06:36:00.000-08:00

and when stone falls like rain
He is the only shelter we have.
___________________
today was.. um interesting. again. english went com lab slacked. urh assembly talked about jarrette's nonsense. i'm going to go after him again for it. and then german was cool. kinda got some work done. yay me. super tiredddddd and there's investiture tomorrow so i'm like crashingg.... now.
oh btw, elysha you're wanted.
___________________

2008-01-21T05:21:00.000-08:00

where the hell were you when i needed you
_____________________
so today... um okay got cecil's psp. IT'S DAMN COOL. need to get passkey to use internet at home though, hope dad remembers. um i'm feeling super lost now no idea why. and most of the time i'd totally heck, but i don't want to screw up. i really really don't so i guess i have to clear it with myself. um investiture rehearsal was okay i guess, it's quite lame la the whole investiture thing but ah well just crack at it for the fun of it. ahhhh dunno why i'm like super lost noww. i feel that way anyway. um there's geog ws history ws um, english research thingie(which i really can't be bothered to do) and IvP, Mrs Teo was quite ridiculous today. posted a message during school time asking us to meet her at 1:35, so obviously we didn't know. so yea quite screwed for that. um then i have to check some investiture stuff. AHHHH i feel like there's something missinggg. pffft okay then there's all the ace stuff. i have to really pick up the pace and work it la. ummmm what elsee.. oh GTA's super fun and addictive, and sad to say, time eating.
_____________________
wake up you moron,
wake up.
love school like you used to
do it because you won't survive any other way
start doing your daily mugs with a smile
do your ace with a cracked brain
go to school in the morning with high spirits
just do it.

2008-01-20T01:05:00.000-08:00

daryl, you're sure a free stalker.
okay but you're a good one.
_____________________
ANYWAY! today was fun. sorta. um church and all, message was interesting, i guess. then had to train down for violin. boring train rides, blada blada. then i realised i can join fellowship since violin should be changed to monday, which is good, i hope. thennnn umm okay yea then on the way back like near the escalator right, this boy was playing with escalator then his hand got stuck at the placey thingie where the belt goes in right then he started screaming and shouting. so i ran over to like, press the stop button. was super super scary. it's like, wtf. he was screaming help and the people going down from the escalator just hecked. it's like no one even noticed him. super super wrong. anyway yeaa. then his mum went to get ice for his hand. poor kiddo. then um what else, oh yes it's a boring day. yay. oh and i finally came up with more ideas for ITE soccer thingie. yay me. ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm oh tomorrow before council invest rehearsal some of us will be going to run like half the route just for fun. whee. hope i don't die half way. OH and world meet daryl chua. (stalker)

2008-01-19T06:36:00.000-08:00

'cause it's too late to apologise
it's too late.
______________________
i love posting. it's like releasing all your emotions into something to sum up the day and crystalise it so that whenever you're down or whatever you can just read back. although most of the time my posts like, okay they're mostly immatured, childish, sick, wrong and they don't make sense. they somehow do to me. weird right, hurhur.

anyway today, woke up early early to go for compulsory CIP. went to Ulu Pandan to um, give out phamplets to inform the dudes and dudettes bout a newspaper collection thing which 2J and 2K will be doing. um yep was really cool. so like at first we went round, it was early so naturally everyone was sleeping haha. so we just stuck it at the gates and stuff. OH then 1 house was like really freaky. i mean not freaky freaky, but i think there was a fire so the whole ceiling outside was totally black and charred. poor family. but anyway the people there are nice. there was a language barrier though, somewhat, with the people who speak tamil and i lost my chinese sense so yea. Yapster did all the talking. then i managed to get to talk to 1 family, because their gate was open. it was totally awesome. it was like

aunty:

you're from hwa chong?

me:

mhm yep haha

aunty:

ohhhh my husband was from there. haha and i was from nanyang girls, then haha you know la

me:

eh, so cool!

aunty:

haha so are you all still cracking that bridge joke?

me:

um yea haha

aunty:

sigh, it never gets old. well anyway good for you! keep hwa chong ontop okay

me:

haha yeapzxzxz of course, bye! have a good weekend

it's amazing how a simple conversation like that can make boring CIP so like fun and all. so anyway Cecil wants to sell his PSP. just saying. um yea then it was tuition. the same old same old. after that it was shopping at taka for black shoes and belt. got super pissed don't want to talk about it. didn't manage to get a shoe because everything there's like. above 150 bucks. (argh). so like yea bought a belt WHICH WAS 58 BUCKS. FREAKING CRAP. it's damn expensiveee cannn. then um came back. oh my class is made out of morons. so yesterday i posted a message for people to volunteer to make e-group for the class or a forum or a blog right. reply to all if you're interested. today, there weren't any replies but 9 groups. AWESOMEEEE.

ANYWAY! on to robotics. let me share with you a very smart piece information.

If (logic_counter=0) Then dribbler_move(dribbler_fast) Putpin 8,bxoutputlow 'If (flyeye_back_distance > 13) Then 'If(flyeye_back_direction < j="1"> 3) Then ' move(pivot_left) ' j=0 'ElseIf(flyeye_back_direction = 3) Then ' move(pivot_left) 'End If If (flyeye_front_distance >13) Then If(flyeye_front_direction <> 3) Then move(pivot_right) ElseIf(flyeye_front_direction = 3) Then move(forward_slow) End If 'If (GetADC(ir_sensor_side) < 612) Then 'If (GetADC(ir_sensor) < 612) Then ' logic_counter = 1 'End If 'End If
If (flyeye_front_distance = 15) Then If (flyeye_front_direction = 4) Then ball_capture = ball_capture + 1 End If End If If (ball_capture > 15) Then logic_counter = 1 Putpin 9, bxOutputHigh Putpin 10, bxOutputLow Putpin 11, bxOutputHigh End If

yup. that's the awesomest thing ever. i'm trying to study Daryl's robocup program to create one for my own robot in feb 21. and um, the whole program's about 30 times of that. so i guess everyone knows that i totallyyy understand. DIE. umm what else what else. oh i'm really confused so i shall put up the list of things i need to do incase i delete the notepad. goodbye world and happy Lord's day tomorrow

council portfolio by friday

council uni by mon(rehearsal)

yap shin's ace by monday

volunteer luk yean

take care of class group

math wsmath ace

geog germany at fault or not

geog

__________________

what am i gna do to make you see

2008-01-18T08:22:00.001-08:00

我们在一个黑的盒子里。
世界不理我们，
我们看不到他们。
————————————————
time's getting rough and life isnt going to be that easy anymore. back then i loved the smell of the flowers every morning, and how the sound of the world spun me round with joy, in just how diverse the world is, how amazing it is. and now, i can't even bare to spend 4 seconds to take note of the colour of the world today. i'll take 1 second to get fustrated, 2 to tell myself i shouldn't be fustrated over such things and 3 to kick myself to move. and soon another 4 competitions will come at once sending me into nights after nights of no sleep. and i'm already running low and sleep time. forget it.
______________________
i said i love you
you said get lost
i said you mean the world to me
you said i'm not worth it
i said i'm going to try my best to get there
you said you couldn't care less.
i said it's okay you'll learn
you said it's okay i don't have a teacher.
i said you might not understand this, but it's okay
you said i don't and i don't care.
______________________
we went to blackbox for chinese drama today, super cool. everything's black in there. chinese drama's cool man. then it was parent symposium after school, btw i think Mr Toh dislikes me already. dammit. um yea okay so wait before that, during english Miss Soh expressed her feelings towards the class' maturity, finally. and it wasn't pretty. but whatever. some kids will never grow up. then um, yea symposium. was really fun, learnt ALOT. not really in the mood to do anything or to feel or have emotions so like, whatever.

2008-01-17T03:58:00.000-08:00

Wondering the streets, in a world underneath it all

Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet

As what I can't have

because sometimes the pain cuts through me just like a beam of laser, cutting through the peaceful surface of the water. it turns the world upside down, and suddenly you're looking down, thinking about how life would be, how life should be. and suddenly you realise it isn't about that at all, in fact it isnt about you. because you keep everything to yourself, because everything's about you. because i don't want to care anymore, yet i do so much

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have

and cannon ball into the water

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have

For you I will

because i'm just so lost inside, to risk the attempt of climbing, or enjoy the freeness of falling. both brings about their consequences. you don't have to understand, nor do you have to care. infact you can click that big red cross now. nothing you do here will matter. i'm going to set my sights away from you, as far from you as possible.

Forgive me if I stutter

From all of the clutter in my head

Cuz I could fall asleep in those eyes

Like a water bed

Do I seem familiar, i've crossed you in hallways

a thousand times,

no more camouflage

I want to be exposed,

and not be afraid to fall.

soon i'm going to be invested and though it doesn't seem big to anyone it means so much to me because of what i had to go through to get to where i am now. and there's so much more to go. all the pain and tears and the hours of hardwork to be here, and yet you just turn away and not give a damn. i said i'm excited you said you couldn't care less. i said i want you to be there you said you're not free, rather sleep. i said it means alot to me you said sleep means alot to you. i said you're mean you said i'm taking up your time. i start to cry you turn your back and walk away.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have

And cannon ball into the water

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have

For you I will

You always want what you can't have

But I've got to try

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence

I haveFor you I will

For you I will

For you

because sometimes the cloud covers too much, and it blinds us from within. because sometimes all you need is someone beside you through day and night. friends, yea they're there forever and i'll love them forever, that's for me at least. but someone to be there is way more important than that. your unwillingness to accept me and to believe me and to even try to understand me digs deep. so i'll just sit here for the rest of the night, staring up into the cold night sky, cold, but warm. and he will hug me in my times of needs unlike you, and he will be there for me all night. until the sunlight comes up and takes away the warmth from the air and replaces it with the cold harsh reality of life and pulls me back into this hell. and i'll try my best to get up and walk again, and you know i'll succeed. but you'll just have to push me down when i do i guess.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have

For you I will

2008-01-16T03:50:00.000-08:00

because no one's born on his feet
because no one's a one man island
because no one's just another person
because no one's going to climb these stairs alone.
_____________________________
go 35th hsc!

okay anyway um today's school was.. interesting. like basically every lesson wanted to make use of videos and stuff. and yes, i'm tempted to get a better pair of earphones. shit. argggh um okay anyway there was investiture rehearsals today. it's gna be an emotional night for sure but it's going to be so awesome. go 35th hsc again! ummmm what else happened today. oh there isn't homework. yay haha.

2008-01-15T06:22:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wonder why can't humans

be as pure and innocent as animals

don't think too much, don't have a conscious mind

just walk the path God set for us in the beginning of time.

he looks like a weazle huh.

________________________________

erm everything's going out of control again. rawr. okay so there's council investiture rehearsals tomorrow. GO 35th HSC! okay anyway. um yea then there's the ITE robocup challenge which i'm totally screw for. but i'll try my best. there's OM, which we're quite stuck at. but yea. um then there's think quest which i think we can just don't do liao la everyone slacking. then there's IvP. everyone's brainstorming now, yea. ummm okay then there's periscope and photnics ace for science and the whole list for english and pascal triangle for math. mhm mhm. just listing out not to get myself confused.

argh screw! i wanna like learn new chinese words consistently but i'm so freaking lazyyy. and i'm like so confused with so much stuff going on and all. what's more Lucas called telling me the totally awesome news that doesn't add to the confusion at all that i'm in for sec1 symposium. argh. oh. and he didn't give any details. thankzxz. but there's a meeting with Mr Colin Toh tomorrow, so yea. I like Mr Toh(most of us call him Colin Toh, but nah.) he's a really really nice/good/funny at times/interesting math teacher. and he's also council mentor. and if i join SLC. even better, teacher in charge. i'll be seeing him 24/7 la. i think this year i'm like very very blessed. got alot of awesome teachers. like all my teachers are good teachers and they aren't fierce! (most of the time at least) so fun. i think this year i'm like way more alert in class, maybe it's because it's just the beginning of the year, but i'm like way more alert because when i get out of laziness and like recap what i've learnt in the day i actually can recall quite abit. some of them needs like revision, as in going back and reading again, but yea. ahhhhh everything's making me super confused. my capacity is so low la =(.

I NEED MUSIC! like i've began to like switchfoot. haha um yea and i need new music. and i need sleep. no matter what time i sleep i'll wake up super tired la. it's like no fun at all. pouts. i'm complacent. yea. i know. trying to change though. sigh robotics and investiture rehearsal tomorrow. hope it's fun. i need daryl to give me the best crash course ever in BasicX. or my group's totally screwed for this competition. sigh don't know how we're gna survive this year and next without them. it's time for us to step up into their shoes and get those awards, hold those traditions. which like totally isnt easy. especially for me and Shun Git. championshippp. hehe. i must go to atlanta this year.MUUUST. erm erm what else happened today. oh yea i made a point to blog differently, not to be emo and all and to actually talk about the day. not random stuff like, Lucas is confusing. yea. erm yea. hope i get through tomorrow well. -plonk-

most people say we're geeks. and others just say we're totally 费。有的还说我们是没有前途的。每个人头认为robotics是很容易的，不用才华而可以获得冠军。他们都认为我们天是在有冷气的房间玩耍。but i think it's total bull. i mean most people think drums are easy. until they try it. robotics to me isnt so much about how smart/dumb you are. it's like, more about spirit. all people get to see of robotics is the end result or a robot doing a mission/failing a mission. no one sees the blood sweat and tears that goes on behind the scenes. and i mean literally blood sweat and tears. it's 1.5 months of total crap and errors and fustration and injuries and heart breaks and tears for every competition. every competition is different, every competition brings about new lessons, new experiences. so for those of you who want to mock people in robotics, you may do so only if you can come over and prove to me that you can survive wrecking your brain for 48-60 hours straight even eating and brain wrecking and crying and feeling discouraged and picking yourself up, you have the right to mock. and that doesn't even take into account the mental effort for robotics itself. so just shut up alright?

_______________________

i need you here with me.

2008-01-14T05:33:00.000-08:00

'cause Lord i'm doing

all i can

to be a better man.

_____________________________

today. was. interesting.

(shit i'm starting to be unhappy with like, my earphones. OH NO i don't want to be poisonned like everyone else. shizzles.) and that picture rocks.

2008-01-12T16:23:00.000-08:00

i'm wishing i could stop the clock,

i'm wishing i could turn back time,

i'm wishing i could take back everything i said

i'm wishing i could talk to God, ask him why

everytime i pick myself up from this slumber, i fall again

i'm wishing i could tell the world how i feel and why

but first i'd have to tell it to myself.

i'm wishing i could make it not come back time after time

wrecking me from the inside out.

look me in the eyes and tell me this will never end,

and that nothing i say or do will change this,

please?

_______________________

sunday morning, quite a gloooomy morning.

feeling sorta emo but that doesn't matter. um okay

went out(of my room) to take like photos today,

exploring the other lens haha. it's quite good actually

just very limited since it's a higher zoomability one.

it's able to capture the sunray thingie, which is totally cool.

oh i'm starting to go crazy-ish over guitar again,

like learning new songs and stuffish.

learnt 7 new songs yesterday. OH YES

i entered the 'email us about why you love switchfoot"

contest thingie haha just for fun. it's a gibson bfg. DUH.

it's fun la, going for stuff you know you probably won't win.

this week was stressful. okay but it was fun too, somewhat.

sigh get ready for round 2, dingding. i'm like, so looking

forward to COCB trip. IT'S SUPER COOOL. you know

we'll be like staying with the homestay family right. then

like almost every day we'll knock off from whatever activity

like school, or some museum or something, then it's rest of the

day with homestay families. of course with like, night stuff too

OH i'll just post last year's itinery la duh.

ITINERARY FOR HWA CHONG VISIT TO COCB March 11-17 2007

Monday 12

Students arrive in Brisbane
Flight QF 052 Depart Singapore 11th March 2110 Arrive Brisbane 12th March 0655hrs [7.00 am]
School staff will meet students at International Airport
School bus will transfer students from Airport to school at Science Centre
8.30am COCB students meet HCI students outside S1
8.45am COCB students take HCI students to Year 11 classes
10.45am Morning Tea
12.30pm Lunch
1.30pm College Assembly in Auditorium
2pm Students resume classes
3.20pm School day finishes
3.30pm Homestay families collect students

Tuesday 13

In school - as above

Wednesday 14

8.30am Homestay families drop students at Science Centre DAY EXCURSION
– Australia Zoo – Glasshouse Mountains
4pm Homestay families collect students from Science Centre

Thursday 15

8.30am Homestay families drop students at Science Centre
DAY EXCURSION
- Movieworld – Gold Coast
Students do not return to school but continue to Evening Show
EVENING EXCURSION –

Australian Outback Spectacular
10pm Homestay families collect students from Science Centre

Friday 16

In school – as for Monday
EVENING OPTION – Southbank & Markets

Saturday 17

Free Day with Homestay families
12 noon Homestay families bring students to Science Centre 12.00pm School bus transport from school to airport departs
Students depart Brisbane
Flight QF 051 depart Brisbane 1345 hrs [1.45pm]
Arrive Singapore 1935 hrs [07.35pm]

oh and this year's wayyyyy longer btw. like 29th feb to 10th march(chuan's birthday haha)

SO COOOOOOL. i'm like totally freaking out over it la. heard from seniors that the people there are super super super super nice. sigh can't wait. i have to bring a camera over, not sure what type because the SLR'll be like wrong. this'll be like awesome bonding time with consortium mates la. so cool.

um okay anything else to post about.... not much smile.

t'chao!

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next time just slap me in the face and tell me to shut up.

2008-01-12T01:48:00.000-08:00

life's tough.

2008-01-12T01:38:00.000-08:00

become
erased myself.
and let go of what i've done.
_______________________
some say love is war
others say war is love.
what's wrong with you people,
just screw off leave me alone already.
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nothing to post about today.

2008-01-10T03:31:00.000-08:00

Glück ist, Freude Letzte für immer momentan 幸福永远是短暂的，喜悦为时
happiness is momentary, joy lasts forever
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YAY aussie exchange briefing tomorrow.
i'm officially in woohoo.
hm school was okay i guess.. i don't get why teocc is mocked.
okay first of all. Kohkt ended class late so i was late for cmc meeting so i was late for Miss Adeline Tan's meeting. so i was late for Mrs Teo's meeting. ugh i hate chain reactions. but yea then she scolded me. haha Miss Soh went to talk to the class about the Shawn issue. i mean. okay it's supposed to be over but apparently it's still in the air. and we have to get rid of it. because 2I will own everyone. so y'know. have to be 1 class la. um yea so anyway met Mrs Teo for IvP. seems super interestined. and she's very very nice. i don't get why people mock her. sigh. anyway um then it was home. plonked on the sofa and slept. woke up with a huge headache. damn. then it was german so ya german class frau heng ist sehr guten micht du. then during recess a few of us stayed back to rant to her about life and stuff. the rgs people are SUPER FUNNY. they were like. we have.. ya and then you know.. that one. then like after that we still have the other one can. then other than all of that we still have that that that one and...... then it went on and on and on. but yea. then she just shutted up the whole way and when the bell rang she just said Glück ist, Freude Letzte für immer momentan. means alot to alot of us. so anyway gna go homework. CHAO!

2008-01-09T06:48:00.000-08:00

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God
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another partially crappy day.. erm okay so school, normal fun+hectic and teensy bit stressed for crap. but whatever my stress level's low with school work. erm yea then it was robotics sec1 thingie. went to lab at 1:25 to find daryl doing council webbie. muaha? then um yea kiddos came filled in form. got to interview bout 7/8 of them. daryl gave me the bunch of people who had no experience before which means i really have nothing to ask them. i cldn't test them and stuff. rawr. but okay la some of them were really enthu, got hope. then had to zao earlier. then i realised i was holding the only key to the only door with locks made in germany. shit. soo.. go all the way back to lock then came out. then um yea not much. I NEED TO REPAIR MY CABLES DAMMIT. sigh i feel weird. like, okay first of all i'm afraid to be myself. which i'm getting used to. then there's the, i feel like there's so much to do yet there's so little and i'm freaking out because i might have forgotten something, feeling. argh whatever. tuition on saturdays are bad ideas. i mean. saturday is to slack, self study and like do revision. the moment you have tuition on saturday, WHAM! all the time gone. ugh. and it's at 2:30. wow. in the middle of the day. that makes life alot better. i'm so quitting the first time i can. i know i need tuition for chinese and all. but i also do think that given a chance i can improve la please. umm what else.. oh yes the world is turning. big sis going from drums to guitar. 2nd sis going from (giving up on) guitar to drums. like. whudd.
peace out
(p.s note to self i think my posts are super boring, written in improper english, and totally um weird. and i need to stop saying whatever)
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we live as one in love.
______________________

2008-01-08T07:21:00.000-08:00

'cause all we have to do now,
is love one another.
sisters and brothers
we live as one in love.
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quite a cool day today. somewhat.
i dunno got to skip class but i wasn't happy
okay i should've been but i wasn't. then went down to science centre saw loads of stuff and learnt even more than i probably would ever. i'm so thankful i got the chance to go down. my mind's a bush fire of thoughts now. i dunno, after that, i kinda wanted to pon german but went anyway. and got super high with the class (weird huh) yep. then came back did quite a bit of work got everything settled. i don't know. now i feel emo-er. i just feel so worried about the future unknown. OBS, all the competitions. everything. the robocup starting earlier and everything. it's just so much to swallow. and like above all that i'm scolding myself for being slack. like not mugging ahead. just revising that day's stuff and doing homework. i don't know. the free time's making me feel super super slack and that i'm gna fail everything. sighs. oh and i need to get my ES cables repaired. crap. well tomorrow's the trials for sec1's for robotics. YAY gna be interviewing and babysitting. it's like the destressing part of the day (y'see there i go again. destress what destress i'm so slack already.) but really. it's gna be quite fun. sighs. i need to stop scolding myself and start trusting my teachers. oh and i need to start reading TKAM(thanks to Elysha for making me feel dumb by not reading it in the hols) anyway gna bring 311107 to school tomorrow. just for kiddo fun. maybe lappie too. yay a long post. um, oh by the way, the next time i pester you and you get really pissed because you're pissed already and just don't want to reply. you may block me. mhm mhm. and i decided that i shall follow Amanda, emo posts i shall save as drafts smile. or try to. anyway, CAN'T WAIT FOR BRISBANE TRIP! i bet the kangaroos will love me.
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with hands held high.

2008-01-06T07:09:00.000-08:00

it’s like that with choices. Every choice we make creates a ripple effect on our lives as well as on the lives of others. The choices we have made throughout life determine where we are and what we are becoming.
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because our God.
is an awesome God.
this week will be a good week
because i will make it a good week no matter what
fear me week two of school

2008-01-04T09:01:00.000-08:00

because you know i'll never let you down
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i found a new meaning to life today.
although i'm super bogged down by everything still
i found a new motivation, like a new meaning
okay it's totally old. but it came out again
like watching daryl. how he manages his time
or like zhou kai. how he manages his time
it's so freaking inspirational. like you'll watch them
and start wow-ing at how much they get done.
hearing about the rest of the gang it's like
everyone's going through this. everyone's killing themselves
and me doing the same isn't going to help anyone.
and i know i can kick this
so why continue on it
like, yea.
so although i've been dreaming about all my stuff in school for
2 nights straight(hopefully not again)
i really really really REAAALYYY
want to push on.
i want to truely truely end this year by saying i did myself proud.

2008-01-02T06:01:00.000-08:00

carpe diem
sieze the day
__________________
because sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand.
i know i'm supposed to stand up as a leader
i want to, believe me.
i wish i could be that pillar of support
that stone block that you can fall back to
the one you can find comfort in all the time
the light when the world seems to turn dark
and when everyone turns on you,
i know i'm supossed to be there
i'm just so sorry
my heart aches everytime i think it out
i'm like the fish underwater, drowning
wake up Nat.
slap yourself a million times if you have to
but you'd better wake up,
stand up,
and get ready for the hell that's awaiting us.
she, they need you so much.
and i need them to much. and yet
i can't help but frown staring at the black empty table
and tear drops flow down
hoping never to hit the table, but they know what awaits them.
i swallow that bit of saliva
and bite down hard.
i scold myself for the millionth time for everything
everything that has happened. and everything that's about to happen
because of me.
i can't chair this class. i can't be part of this council
not if i'm weak like this.
then again i wasn't born to be anything
just an averager following the orders
fighting for my own survival
and yet i care too much to just let go and run
when the storm comes in.
this is probably a bunch of bullshit to most of you
thinking i'm just another ego asshole acting
posing
pouting for the cameras that i imagine are there.
i'm sorry if i seem that way
maybe i am.
maybe i'm just an idiot going round, bugging people
for no real reason, trying to draw attention,
pretending to be all that.
yea maybe i am that.
well if you do please tell me so i can get the hell out of your life
because i'm not ready for this.
i probably never will be
but i pray God gives me strength.
it's the only thing i can hold on to
if you see me scolding myself from this day forth
slap me in the face and tell me to freaking wake up
if you see me bugging you
slap me again and tell me to get lost
if you see me being anything you don't like
slap me in the face and tell me so
because i want to be harsh to myself, in the hope that i may wake up from being a child.

2008-01-01T07:09:00.001-08:00

2008-01-01T06:11:00.000-08:00

she's falling like rain.
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school starts tomorrow. quite excited though, get to bully juniors and like try my best to expand my social life again. and like just the rush of being out there again, with everyone trying to do their best like everyone else. it's so fun. but i guess the best part is where i get to test myself to live up to my new year resolutions. that's the tough part.

2007-12-31T09:22:00.000-08:00

because as times go by
i'm standing here wondering why
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(part 2)
normally i'd be listening to music when i post,
this is too important.
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about today, movie with cousin and sis
cafe cartel
there was a black out which is kinda cool i guess
then sis lost a phone but some really nice dude picked it up and gave it to the counter
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2007 was a year that just walked by so quickly. i have so much that i have to give thanks for that i really don't know where to start. At the end of 2006. i told myself i would never get through sec1 life. a really close friend of mine told me to get that out of my mind and just pray. so i did. i prayed for my future friends, my future class, my future with existing friends, my new cca. everything. and most importantly, adapting to the new church environment. everything was simply so new, so unknown to me. it's like being placed in a corner of the desert, being told it was the middle, then asked to find a way out. i was terrified. i really had no idea what i was to do. i thank God for helping me and for putting friends beside me that helped me so much.

3rd december 2005 inevitably pops into mind, on this subject. it was the day the new phpps building was to be opened. i still can't shake the feeling from my mind till this day.
i was sitting on the table, beside the cold, frosted window of phpps robotics, thinking about what a great year it has been. yet i was afraid for the next year was to be psle. i looked out of the window for what felt like hours, hugging myself, being scarred. and lonely. and nostalgic. somewhat. yet i knew God was there to help me. along with my friends. it's a sad thing i'm not in contact with those friends back then now. so as i walked into HCI for the first day of the new life, for the first day that marked the beginning of a journey of uncountable hardships, yet so much joy. i had my sights, or what i thought was sights fixed on what i wanted, back then. it was the first day i was to meet my brothers who will not be forgotten forever. it was to meet the two teachers that i love and thank so much. i really just can't express how much gratitude i had for them. like the time Miss Tan falsely accused me. she really made me grow up. because of the disciplinary actions she wanted to implement, it made me really face up to it and really start thinking logically on how to prove her wrong. it was the harshes yet most effective welcome to the school. i love 1I. and i'm not afraid to say it. we were the qwerty-est class. we had the worst and the best. and those that people can't stand. we stood together through the thick and thin and the shawn. we all had our eyes fixed on the prize, yet we knew everyone else wanted it. we picked each other up when we fell, we celebrated together when we reached the top in the end.
i really do not know how to say or what to say to the 1I people.

I stepped into my second home on the 2nd of march. for the start of something incredible. that only the 4 of us, daryl, weijie, shungit and i can comprehend. robotics is a passion, something not many can understand. it was such a difficult 3 roads for us. the sleeplessnights. the 20 cans of coffee per night. the many times we wanted to just give up and cry, yet we held each other up. the many visits to the poolside, the many injuries. the times we got scolded yet stuck together. the times we totally destroyed everything. the times we all got down to cry because we knew it wouldn't last forever. the times we wiped the tears out of each others eyes then slapped each other in the face to get up and work. the many things i learnt.the 3 minutes of pure terror infront of that 30 people. when our hearts beat so heavily, yet it beat as once. how we woke each other up to recall everything. the glorious moments as a club, the darkest times when we failed so miserably. the times we were falsely accused. how we fought. the many holiday hours gone, for this one goal everyone goes for. there really isn't much to say for HCRC. except we kick ass.

I used to be a sunday christian. and i'm not afraid to say it because now i'm not. i thank Amanda, Chuan, Ely, Derrick and Rachel for that. before this year began, i did nothing in church, barely paid attention. and the Bible was a book at home like any other books, untouched. i didn't see the importance. until one day i was involved in SPY007. that turned my world upside down. more than anything else that happened this year. it simply reconstructed my spiritual life. i learnt to put my faith in God. i'm just super grateful to them for it.

but every year has its downfalls. and i'm just saying that i thank God for it. if not i wouldn't have learnt to treasure the 3 of them as much as i do now. and it has taught me to love others, despite the hate they have for me. although i'm still learning. i am on the right path.

overall 2007 was simply a great year. it goes beyond the mention of words to me. i just simply can't describe this year well enough. only the tears of pain suffering loneliness and joy can do that. not that i think anyone would have read till here, but then again i could read it a few years down. it has just been a year of so much change. so much growing up. yet realising how much there is left to do. i thank God for the many many many many blessings, the many many new friends i've made. how much i've gotten to learn to treasure my friends this year. just everything. simply for making it the most kick ass year ever, on every scale.

for 2008, it isn't going to get easier. there's gna be council more robotics madeness and just sec 2 life. then there's the complications socially to deal with. but i know that i have a backbone of God and friends and cousins to depend on. and i'm never letting anyone go. i'm not going to post my new year resolutions. because i believe that resolutions are easier said than done. but you damn well know i'm gna give it my best.
and to end off 2007, what better way then to go over the bible verse of the year again
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
(sorry for the horrible type of language and expression and mood of the post. i don't know what's getting into me these days.)

and so tonight as i gaze upon the starry starry night
tears roll down my eyes as i think of the next year
it's so much like the last time this came by,
yet completely different.

2007-12-30T08:24:00.001-08:00

the last 24 hrs of being a freshmen =)

2007-12-29T23:33:00.000-08:00

because passion isnt easy to understand.

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you can go on and mock me about it

but whatever you say you know where my heart belongs.

go on,

call spending a few hundred hours stupid and dumb

because people like you have no aim in life

no will to taste victory

no heart to love something, or even someone.

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i shall post part 2 of '07 tomorrow.

no mood today.

it seems that after the big day yesterday.

i dunno i just feel like my life has changed.

somehow.

something happened that no one will believe

so i'll just close my doors, keep it all inside.

anyway i finally got my voice back today.

that's fun. and church was. uh, nevermind.

i'm so freaking bored at home can.

i need to go out, but i'm like super lazy.

rawr.

i can't wait for next year.

it sounds super suicidal but yea

you don't know me and you don't have to.

so you can just pack your bags walk away.

2007-12-29T04:05:00.000-08:00

一壬一级棒

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2007 could not have been better.

it was simply awesome.

everything fell into place so well

with all the hardships and all.

(part 1)

1I ruled.

we were the class that started at the bottom

and we worked our way up

we lost a friend

we pulled each other up.

we had social problems.

we worked it out

we just had so many unique problems

problems most people wouldn't have.

and i'm glad we worked it out

all the leaders in our class.

we owe our lives to them(yap and pn)

without them we wouldn't be 1I.

we wouldn't have topped.

we wldn't have pwned.

we owe our unity to the one outcast(shawn)

we owe our brotherhood to him.

and as we still try to include him.

we just get stronger.

just thank you guys so much

for the best year ever.
1I'07 pwns

deal with it

(part 2 continues tomorrow)

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today was super tiring.

only 8 of you know why

but it doesn't matter

i thank God i'm still alive.